Yesterday I was asked to speak at a church event on the subject of what breaks my heart. This idea is a project the Ward young adult’s group is just starting at their monthly worship nights. And they wanted to bring me and my heart on.

So, what breaks my heart?

Well, a lot of things.

Cancer. Bullying. Suicide. Abuse. Materialism. Natural Disasters. Human Trafficking. Animal Extinction. Starvation. Death from Preventable Diseases. Orphans. Addiction.

We could all name a multitude of things that we hate to see in the world, things that greatly disturb us.

But right now my heart has a specific pull in it.

I’ve lived in a land much different than my own and exposed myself to a whole new kind of heartbreak. The kind of heartbreak that gets you up off your butt and forces you to DO something.

At this worship night, I spoke about my heart for Uganda. There are so many things about this country that make my heart soar. When I was there I would feel like I was flying, delighted in the ways God chose to use me for increasing His kingdom, but there are things about Uganda that bring me sadness too.

Uganda has a spirit of poverty over it. Anyone that comes from the west won’t be able to leave Kampala without experiencing it. People there live in houses the size of our bedrooms, with dirt, jigger infested floors. Many people can’t afford the cost of transportation to medical clinics; I’ve heard of women WALKING to the hospital while in labor. In Uganda, I’ve had many people in the village tell me money is their biggest concern, and that breaks my heart.

Because of the widespread poverty, education is a challenge. Parents struggle to afford school fees and many children do not attend. These children end up working or roaming around. People know education is the solution to their economic problems, but without hope of it, a vicious cycle of poverty through generations continues, and that breaks my heart.

As a culture based on intellectualism and reason, we have a hard time imagining the existence of actual witchcraft, but in Africa as a whole, witchcraft is very prevalent and very real. People live believing there are curses on them and their families, and there’s nothing they can do about it. It breaks my heart that these people don’t know the authority they have from Christ. When you are filled with the Holy Spirit, you have the power to heal and cast out demons just like Jesus did. In a place where even pastors haven’t received bible training, someone needs to tell these people about the power they can carry.

What breaks my heart is that people think they need money or school fees or a better job, they think they need the help of a witch doctor, but in reality, what they need is Jesus.

And this isn’t just a problem in Uganda. Worldwide people put their hope and faith into things that will never satisfy or solve their problems. They’re called idols. And they separate us from God.

I love what this young adults group is doing because not only are they recognizing what breaks their heart in the world (and by extension what breaks God’s heart) but they are empowering each other to DO something about it.
God broke my heart for Uganda, and I’m so glad that He did because in that act, He revealed my purpose.

So I ask you, has God broken your heart for a place, a people group, an organization?
What injustices weigh on your soul?

Keep that in mind. Don’t let it turn to anger or discouragement. Turn it into PASSION.

Now, what does God want you to DO about what breaks your heart?

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” -Anne Frank

Before coming to live in Uganda for three months I had noo idea how much it would change me. I don’t even really remember what I came here looking for. I knew I had a space of time in my life before taking on real responsibilities and I wanted to give some of myself. In the months preceding my departure I was caught up in webs of lies and false identity. I thought I was truly following the Lord but there was so much in my heart that I was holding back from His control. I remember saying I was coming here hoping for peace and direction.

While interning with Show Mercy, I have learned so so much. I have stretched myself, I have been challenged by others. I have prayed for people whose hardships I can’t begin to fathom. I have spent hours trying to be still (very difficult), listening for the guiding voice of God. I have been a part of the most amazing team I could ever hope for. I have started friendships I pray will last a lifetime. I have felt loved beyond measure. I have had my eyes opened and I have begun the intense process of renewing my mind to be more like Jesus.

The months leading up to my departure for Uganda, I was struggling a lot. I was deeply caught up in sin. My heart was torn between loving God and loving the ways of the world. But that’s not following God at all. I lied to myself saying it wasn’t a problem, I wasn’t being pulled from God’s will. Oh how the enemy loved that time in my life. But almost immediately, about a week after being here, I already new I would never go back to that life. I already saw how much God was going to change me and it was suddenly laughable to think that I could ever go back to how I once was. At about week three I was praying to God saying “Father, I was so lost. I was caught in lies and weakness but you didn’t leave me. You came to me and you pulled me out. You could have left me, filthy and wounded, not worthy of your love or thought but you came for me.” And now, at the end of this journey I am proud of how far I’ve come. My mind has changed from an earthly perspective to that of Heaven. Praise God.

Now, I am more aware than ever of the salvation I have received from Jesus’ death. I am confident that God doesn’t even see my past transgressions. In His book He has only recorded the glory and holiness He sees in me since my repentance.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Romans 6:1-12 tells us that our bodies are dead to sin. No longer do I have to worry about “fixing” all the broken parts of me. No longer do I have to feel bad about what I have done because that me is literally dead. I am a new creation in Christ. God wants me to get over what I feel so bad about doing. He has. One night back in February, the other interns and I were musing over how people often feel sooo bad about their sin. We dwell on it, call ourselves dirty and unworthy. We just can’t let it go. I used to think if I didn’t hold on to the mistakes I had made, then it meant I didn’t really feel bad about them. But that’s a lie based upon how I wanted people to see me. Then us interns thought, how funny it is that we won’t let it go when Jesus died for those sins two thousand years before we were even born. Before God formed me in my mother’s womb, He knew me (Jeremiah 1:5), He knew every choice I would make through my own free will and those sins were already long forgiven.

So the old Kelsey is not coming back. The girl that’s taking that twenty hour plane trip to America is a girl that inwardly bares little resemblance to the Kelsey I was. In the deepest way, I have experienced that I am truly a new creation in Christ.

I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that I have three weeks left in Uganda. I have three weeks left here with Show Mercy. I have three weeks left in these villages. I have three weeks left with all my new friends.

Recently I have been so busy. I went on safari in northwestern Uganda, I’ve been writing a lot and helping the staff with their monthly newsletter. Show Mercy hosted three short term visitors and we’re preparing for a new short term team to arrive the evening of the 29th.

It becomes harder to find the time to sit down and figure out what exactly the Lord is teaching me, especially when I’ve become so accustomed to doing His work everyday. But lately, God has been teaching many people at Show Mercy, and in the surrounding villages, the same thing-praising and trusting God through uncertain situations.

I had a storm come over me a couple weeks ago. I thought something really bad was happening and in the end it turned out to be all a misunderstanding in which something was poorly communicated. For a few days I was afraid and questioning the Lord. The devil was trying to make me believe that maybe God and people didn’t want me in Uganda anymore. When all of this was happening, we started a new week in our Bill Johnson study on having a transformed mind and that week was titled, “enduring uncertainty.” Sometimes it’s funny how God works things out… The devotions recorded for that week were all about praising God through uncertain situations. As we went through that week, the storm I was in cleared up but I felt moved to share what I was learning, and not just me-the other interns and staff as well.

That week, on Thursday, Jen and I didn’t teach in the morning because the students were busy preparing for an all day athletic event that would take place the following day. Instead, we sat together and prepared what to preach at the prison later that day. We decided to speak on this topic we were all learning about. We prepared our sermons, deciding that one of us would preach to the men and one to the women so they would both hear the same message.

At the prison, it was decided that I would speak to the men. I was astounded when Esther, an outreach staff member, perfectly introduced my sermon, without even knowing the topic. She spoke clearly about trusting in God and leaning on Him. I then got up and spoke, feeling filled with the Holy Spirit. I also shared my story of having to trust God when my mother had breast cancer. I told the men about my uncle and aunt who both died of cancer within two months of each other and how scared that made me when my mom found the same disease in herself later that year. When I told them that she had been completely healed, they all cheered. After me, Michael, another outreach staff member, had been planning to speak but decided not to. He showed me his notes and I couldn’t believe when I saw he was planning to speak on the same topic as well-he had even written down the same bible verses that I had shared, including John 11 and Philippians 4:6-7.

God showed me that He really wanted His children to hear that message that day. After speaking at the prison, we always ask if there was anyone that would like to accept Jesus into their hearts for the first time and I was astounded when between ten and twelve men stood up. I got to lead them in a prayer to enter into relationship with Jesus as the trusted His goodness, even while in one of the most uncertain of places. I’m so excited to meet each of these men in heaven one day and hear about how they help strongly to the Lord and praised Him through their storms.

My dear friend Patrice, whom I met here in Uganda, says that in her experience God shows her the next step and when she takes it, He reveals the next. Now, I actually have no idea what will happen for me when I go home. I tend to make my own plans but I think God probably laughs at my little ideas and says, “I have so much more for you.” When I surrender to Him, He makes my story more beautiful than I ever could have done on my own. So I’m trying my very best to live one day at a time while still having vision for how I see God could use me. I still struggle with questioning and trying to plan things out for years in advance but I’m trying to remember that when you’re living a life in radical obedience to God, you never know what He’s going to have you do. And I know that God cares deeply for me and He guides my footsteps.

One of the leaders here at Show Mercy, Lauryn, said something during a discussion of the Bill Johnson study that I can’t seem to get out of my head. She said something like, “God loves our praises from earth so much more than the praises of the angels. The angels are in heaven worshipping the Lord constantly but they are not going through hardships. God loves our praises so much more because we go through hardships and we praise Him through them.”

So, like I encouraged the prisoners, I will praise God through my certainty. Because, like I told them, in the midst of storms, if you let go of God, you have no source of hope. If you are going through a storm, I encourage you also to lean into the Lord. Whether we are enduring a hardship in order for God’s glory to be revealed or for Him to pull you back into His will, God always has you right where you need to be. And there is no reason to be afraid.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understand, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Consider if pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4