Before coming to live in Uganda for three months I had noo idea how much it would change me. I don’t even really remember what I came here looking for. I knew I had a space of time in my life before taking on real responsibilities and I wanted to give some of myself. In the months preceding my departure I was caught up in webs of lies and false identity. I thought I was truly following the Lord but there was so much in my heart that I was holding back from His control. I remember saying I was coming here hoping for peace and direction.

While interning with Show Mercy, I have learned so so much. I have stretched myself, I have been challenged by others. I have prayed for people whose hardships I can’t begin to fathom. I have spent hours trying to be still (very difficult), listening for the guiding voice of God. I have been a part of the most amazing team I could ever hope for. I have started friendships I pray will last a lifetime. I have felt loved beyond measure. I have had my eyes opened and I have begun the intense process of renewing my mind to be more like Jesus.

The months leading up to my departure for Uganda, I was struggling a lot. I was deeply caught up in sin. My heart was torn between loving God and loving the ways of the world. But that’s not following God at all. I lied to myself saying it wasn’t a problem, I wasn’t being pulled from God’s will. Oh how the enemy loved that time in my life. But almost immediately, about a week after being here, I already new I would never go back to that life. I already saw how much God was going to change me and it was suddenly laughable to think that I could ever go back to how I once was. At about week three I was praying to God saying “Father, I was so lost. I was caught in lies and weakness but you didn’t leave me. You came to me and you pulled me out. You could have left me, filthy and wounded, not worthy of your love or thought but you came for me.” And now, at the end of this journey I am proud of how far I’ve come. My mind has changed from an earthly perspective to that of Heaven. Praise God.

Now, I am more aware than ever of the salvation I have received from Jesus’ death. I am confident that God doesn’t even see my past transgressions. In His book He has only recorded the glory and holiness He sees in me since my repentance.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Romans 6:1-12 tells us that our bodies are dead to sin. No longer do I have to worry about “fixing” all the broken parts of me. No longer do I have to feel bad about what I have done because that me is literally dead. I am a new creation in Christ. God wants me to get over what I feel so bad about doing. He has. One night back in February, the other interns and I were musing over how people often feel sooo bad about their sin. We dwell on it, call ourselves dirty and unworthy. We just can’t let it go. I used to think if I didn’t hold on to the mistakes I had made, then it meant I didn’t really feel bad about them. But that’s a lie based upon how I wanted people to see me. Then us interns thought, how funny it is that we won’t let it go when Jesus died for those sins two thousand years before we were even born. Before God formed me in my mother’s womb, He knew me (Jeremiah 1:5), He knew every choice I would make through my own free will and those sins were already long forgiven.

So the old Kelsey is not coming back. The girl that’s taking that twenty hour plane trip to America is a girl that inwardly bares little resemblance to the Kelsey I was. In the deepest way, I have experienced that I am truly a new creation in Christ.

I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that I have three weeks left in Uganda. I have three weeks left here with Show Mercy. I have three weeks left in these villages. I have three weeks left with all my new friends.

Recently I have been so busy. I went on safari in northwestern Uganda, I’ve been writing a lot and helping the staff with their monthly newsletter. Show Mercy hosted three short term visitors and we’re preparing for a new short term team to arrive the evening of the 29th.

It becomes harder to find the time to sit down and figure out what exactly the Lord is teaching me, especially when I’ve become so accustomed to doing His work everyday. But lately, God has been teaching many people at Show Mercy, and in the surrounding villages, the same thing-praising and trusting God through uncertain situations.

I had a storm come over me a couple weeks ago. I thought something really bad was happening and in the end it turned out to be all a misunderstanding in which something was poorly communicated. For a few days I was afraid and questioning the Lord. The devil was trying to make me believe that maybe God and people didn’t want me in Uganda anymore. When all of this was happening, we started a new week in our Bill Johnson study on having a transformed mind and that week was titled, “enduring uncertainty.” Sometimes it’s funny how God works things out… The devotions recorded for that week were all about praising God through uncertain situations. As we went through that week, the storm I was in cleared up but I felt moved to share what I was learning, and not just me-the other interns and staff as well.

That week, on Thursday, Jen and I didn’t teach in the morning because the students were busy preparing for an all day athletic event that would take place the following day. Instead, we sat together and prepared what to preach at the prison later that day. We decided to speak on this topic we were all learning about. We prepared our sermons, deciding that one of us would preach to the men and one to the women so they would both hear the same message.

At the prison, it was decided that I would speak to the men. I was astounded when Esther, an outreach staff member, perfectly introduced my sermon, without even knowing the topic. She spoke clearly about trusting in God and leaning on Him. I then got up and spoke, feeling filled with the Holy Spirit. I also shared my story of having to trust God when my mother had breast cancer. I told the men about my uncle and aunt who both died of cancer within two months of each other and how scared that made me when my mom found the same disease in herself later that year. When I told them that she had been completely healed, they all cheered. After me, Michael, another outreach staff member, had been planning to speak but decided not to. He showed me his notes and I couldn’t believe when I saw he was planning to speak on the same topic as well-he had even written down the same bible verses that I had shared, including John 11 and Philippians 4:6-7.

God showed me that He really wanted His children to hear that message that day. After speaking at the prison, we always ask if there was anyone that would like to accept Jesus into their hearts for the first time and I was astounded when between ten and twelve men stood up. I got to lead them in a prayer to enter into relationship with Jesus as the trusted His goodness, even while in one of the most uncertain of places. I’m so excited to meet each of these men in heaven one day and hear about how they help strongly to the Lord and praised Him through their storms.

My dear friend Patrice, whom I met here in Uganda, says that in her experience God shows her the next step and when she takes it, He reveals the next. Now, I actually have no idea what will happen for me when I go home. I tend to make my own plans but I think God probably laughs at my little ideas and says, “I have so much more for you.” When I surrender to Him, He makes my story more beautiful than I ever could have done on my own. So I’m trying my very best to live one day at a time while still having vision for how I see God could use me. I still struggle with questioning and trying to plan things out for years in advance but I’m trying to remember that when you’re living a life in radical obedience to God, you never know what He’s going to have you do. And I know that God cares deeply for me and He guides my footsteps.

One of the leaders here at Show Mercy, Lauryn, said something during a discussion of the Bill Johnson study that I can’t seem to get out of my head. She said something like, “God loves our praises from earth so much more than the praises of the angels. The angels are in heaven worshipping the Lord constantly but they are not going through hardships. God loves our praises so much more because we go through hardships and we praise Him through them.”

So, like I encouraged the prisoners, I will praise God through my certainty. Because, like I told them, in the midst of storms, if you let go of God, you have no source of hope. If you are going through a storm, I encourage you also to lean into the Lord. Whether we are enduring a hardship in order for God’s glory to be revealed or for Him to pull you back into His will, God always has you right where you need to be. And there is no reason to be afraid.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understand, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

Consider if pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

I have now been in Uganda for two months, with a month left in my stay. To be honest, the longer I am here the harder it is to stay so astonished by what God is doing. It is true, I am experiencing God more here in Uganda than I ever have before in my life; The first month of my internship I was astounded constantly by His unbelievable love, and nothing has changed about that. God continues to pursue my heart as well as the people around me. But the longer I stay here, the more I get accustomed to the routine of praying for the sick, ministering to the lost, and teaching young minds. The interns have begun to feel a little like maybe we’ve plateaued. No longer do I wake up wondering what awesome things I’m going to see God do that day. It has become common to see God move and change people’s hearts. So in the last several weeks I’ve been focusing on what God is teaching me through everything I see.

The answer is: a lot. In the past two months I’ve learned so much about the Father’s love, transformation, our authority in Christ, and the beautiful unpredictability God has woven into our stories.

In week six of his study, the Supernatural Power of a Transformed Mind, Bill Johnson talks about the importance of remembering what God has done for us and those before us. Day 28 encourages us to write down what the Lord has done. He says, “Writing down what God has done in the past empowers you to run with faith in the present.” I don’t want to forget what God has done here in Uganda and what He is doing inside me. These testimonies can bring many to Jesus as well as bring hope and healing to current believers.

So here I am, writing (or blogging) about what the Lord is doing.

I don’t want to forget that time and time again, God answers my prayers, even the simplest ones. When I eat too much chapati and am still trying to digest it days later, I pray to God for relief, and he helps me. When I am preaching at the prison or for instance, last week, when I was asked to stand up in a high school sex ed class and speak, I ask God for words and He gives them to me. When I ask God to make a way for me to have a special moment or conversation with a friend, an opening is presented.

Saturday, March 14, I attended Say No to Hunger in the village of Bakka. After the morning lesson bible lesson on the Last Supper, and the meal of cole slaw, rice, ground nut sauce and chapati, I set off with outreach team member, Joy, and a girl from Bakka named Florence, to do home visits. On these home visits we present children with their gifts and letters from their sponsors and help them write letters back in English. After finishing at one house we continued on through the village.

Spontaneously we stopped at a small home on the left of the six-inch wide path considered a road. In this house lives four children all in the Say No to Hunger program in Bakka: Eric, Kevin, Rebecca and Rachel. We stopped because Joy said their mother had just given birth a week before. We walked in and met this young woman and her new little baby girl. In Luganda, she spoke of how she now wants one more boy to make in an even three girls and three boys. I held the baby with soft hair and big, dark eyes that looked up at me wondering if I was providing her food. The mom told us she had yet to name the baby because she wanted a name that started with R to match the rest of her girls, but she couldn’t come up with anything. As I held the baby, I silently (and a little selfishly) prayed God would provide me with the perfect R name for the child. Even out loud I prayed for this when the mother asked me to pray a blessing over the baby’s life. Unable to come up with anything, I handed the baby back and Joy, Florence and I went on our way. As we walked down the hill that had led up to that home I continued to rack my brain for an R name suitable for the child. I mentioned Rose out loud but Joy told me the woman was hoping for a biblical name. As we kept walking I opened up my bible to the dictionary in the back and skipped to the R section. My eyes scanned down and I saw Rachel and Rebekah and got discouraged until finally I saw Ruth. RUTH! I yelled the name and Joy and Florence turned around and exclaimed. We decided we just had to run back up the hill and name this baby right then. So we ran all the way back up the hill and burst into the house we had just been in and declared the little girl’s name to be Ruth. The mother was delighted. God answered my simple little prayer for me to provide this baby with the perfect name and I was again, in awe.

Even though I was discouraged and uncertain whether God would answer my prayer in time, He did. God’s power has nothing to do with me, His glory will stop at nothing to be revealed.

I am so excited about this child that is now my second goddaughter in Uganda. Unlike the babies we name at the Wakiso clinic and then never see again, I have a relationship with this family and I could potentially see her as often as I’d like.

My God is in the business of answering prayers. While there are still prayers that I am waiting for an answer to, I know He is looking out for me constantly. He has always provided for me. He is the healer and the helper.

I will also meditate on all Your work, and talk of Your deeds (Psalm 77:12)

Since I was a child, I have wanted to travel and help people. I’ve longed for adventure and finding purpose. While I do believe God has a unique plan for everyone, my mom has never wanted to travel. I used to be so confused, asking her “there are so many wonderful places in the world, how can you not want to see them??” My mom would reply saying she would just like to see all the beautiful places in the US and that would be good enough for her. As a young dreamer, I couldn’t fathom that mindset. However, I have a memory of being a child and my mother once telling me that when she was a child, she wanted to be a flight attendant. Now, I’ve been learning a lot about dreaming here at the Field of Dreams and I’ve been learning that sometimes Jesus gives us new dreams, and sometimes he brings back ones set in our hearts long ago.

This particular story began on February 14, a Saturday. Saturdays here at Show Mercy are Say No to Hunger days. We play games, do praise and worship, share testimonies, teach a bible lesson and share a meal with village children in the sponsorship program. Show Mercy has four of these programs in the villages of Kaliti, Kitooke, Bakka and Nkoowe. I’ve visited Kitooke, where a boy named Hudson lives, who is now being sponsored by my mother. But most Saturdays I visit Nkoowe because the boy I sponsor, Dennis, attends that program.

At that time we were blessed to have Show Mercy co-founder, Lori Salley, in Uganda and she came and attended Nkoowe Say No to Hunger that day. We had a fun morning teaching about the story of the sinful woman washing Jesus’ feet with her tears and drying them with her hair. As we’re driving home, Lori randomly turns to me and asks, “Is your mom the one that’s coming here?” “Uhhhhh no?!?” I said. I explained how my mom hates to travel, and she has no desire to leave the country. Lori went on to say that she’s pretty sure it was my mom that had been emailing her husband, Mike, about coming to Uganda to visit her new sponsor child. I remember thinking, “there is just no way that’s my mom, it has to be someone else.” Lori confirmed her name and Bethany piped in that she had seen the emails too.

My brain began to wonder if this could even be possible. I hadn’t spoken to my mom about it yet but I kept thinking, if all this was true and my mom was truly coming to Uganda, then Jesus was really stirring up her heart. My mom would never have this desire on her own, it had to be Jesus changing her.

I had gotten into the habit of calling my house on Sunday afternoons and talking to my parents while they’re getting ready for church Sunday morning. I didn’t know how to bring up the topic to my mom so I did what I always do and just sort of dove right in. “Sooo I heard something about you…” I started. After her talking and me squealing, my mom admitted that she was considering coming to see me and Hudson in Uganda.

For days I ran around telling my Ugandan friends that I think my mom is coming to Show Mercy. I tried not to get too excited (which is one of the hardest things in the world for me). I couldn’t stop thinking what an incredible blessing that would be for her to come here and see what I’m doing. After all the opposition I faced in my preparation, to have someone in my family come and really understand why I’m here, I couldn’t imagine anything better.

The following Wednesday I called her again. I was spending a lot of my Airtime cell phone minutes but I thought, if I really wanted my mom to come, I was going to have to pester her. But to my surprise, Jesus is, once again, better than I could have ever imagined. He knows the plans her has for her and without my help, was setting things into motion.

Wednesday I called my mom at work and she answered the phone saying, “Oh good, I wanted to talk to you before I booked this flight.” I instantly screamed and one of the security guards, Martin 2, ran to see if I was dying. I continued to squeal as my mom informed me that she had secretly gotten a passport when I got mine back in November, she had already made an appointment to get her shots, she had talked to Show Mercy about how much it would cost to stay at Field of Dreams and she was in the process of booking her plane ticket to be here in April and return home with me on April 19 (Her flight will be much cheaper than mine, by the way).

Just think, Jesus was setting this plan into motion long before my mom or I even knew it. At this point, I’m simply marveling at what is happening. Jesus is, and has been for some time, laying this path for my mom to come to Uganda and experience what God has in store for her. She thinks she’s coming to see me, but in reality, she’s coming to be changed forever, and she doesn’t even know it yet. My mom will learn so much while here serving with Show Mercy and I’m just so excited to see it happen and be a part of it.

Because God is so creative, He had to sweeten the deal a little bit more. On February 9, Monday evening, a bunch of us ladies sat down and wrote a dreams list. I sort of equated it to a bucket list. It’s a list of all the desires in your heart, things you want to do, accomplish, have, see, whatever, in your life. We were told to dream big and write down every dream we could think of, no matter how silly it sounded. Don’t filter your thoughts, just let them flow and let the Holy Spirit tell you the desires of your heart that maybe you didn’t even know were there. The goal was to get to 100 dreams. By the end of that night I had about 80. I kid you not, that night, five days before I was to hear about my mom’s plans, I wrote down two separate dreams: To be in a foreign country with my mom, and to be at Show Mercy with my mom. When I wrote these down I remember thinking maybe it would happen years from now. Never did I fathom that they would both happen within two months of now. I’m learning each day, here, that God’s plan are so much better than mine. His plans far surpass anything I could imagine on my own.

In his Mind of a Saint series, Graham Cook says, “If it doesn’t sound too good to be true, it isn’t God.” That statement perfectly wraps up what I am experiencing about the goodness of our creator. I am delighting in finding all of these gifts God has hidden for me along my journey.

Now, I’ve had some hard times here at Show Mercy. God wants me to see that Field of Dreams isn’t some fantasy place that he created just for me. I’m still in the real world. I see poverty every day outside the compound and we also face challenges within the compound as well. BUT, here, I have spent more time than ever in my life marveling at the goodness of God. Sometimes I feel silly. I just want to apologize to God saying, “Jesus, I’m so sorry that you had to bring me all the way to Uganda for me to finally get it.” God is so remarkably good. Sometimes I feel like God is so good that I can’t even handle it. For a long time I’ve been wanting more and more of God but now for the first time I really feel God pursuing me. I feel restored by His presence. I know it’s hard to tell because I jump around a lot, but here, I am jumping because I literally can’t handle how amazing God is. He cares deeply for us. Everything He does is to help us become new.

Jesus changes hearts. I see it most every week in the Ugandan prisoners that choose to accept Christ and change their lifestyle. I see it in the women in the market that are married to Muslim men but harbor love for Jesus inside them. I see it in my mom that vowed never to leave the country, who cried and yelled when I told her I was coming to Uganda, and is now preparing to travel, by herself, across the Atlantic to Africa as well. Jesus changes hearts.

So Ma, though it will be at the very end of my time here in Uganda, I can’t wait for you to get here. You have one daughter, two other interns, 27 Ugandan staff members and countless villagers eagerly awaiting your arrival. I can’t wait to find out what God continues to do in your heart once you land in Entebbe, and I can’t wait to see it all happen.